Wallethub.com recently published a survey called “Most & Least Stressed States (2025).” It should come as no surprise, with New Mexico coming in last in so many national rankings – education being just one example, that New Mexico is also the most stressed-out state in the union. As the founder of the Family Month Project, a non-profit that hopes to establish a Family Month in New Mexico, I was particularly interested to see that the thing New Mexicans are most stressed about is family!
Doing a deeper dive into the survey, I learned that family stress was based on the following factors: the separation and divorce rate, percentage of single parents, cost of childcare, percentage of parents without emotional support, percentage of parents who quit jobs due to problems with a child, and parental stress in general (meaning parents who were unhappy with their children.)
It seems to me that New Mexicans love their family ties and heritage more than almost any other place I’ve lived. So I'm wondering how it is that a culture in which some of its families have been here for thousands of years, and others for hundreds of years, can be so stressed about family?
The rich tapestry of Native American, Hispanic, and Anglo cultures has woven a deep sense of familial pride into the state’s identity. From the Pueblo peoples who have thrived here for millennia to the descendants of Spanish settlers who arrived in the 16th century, family has always been a cornerstone of life in New Mexico. Yet, the Wallethub survey suggests a paradox: this profound connection to family might also be a source of significant stress.
One possible explanation lies in the very strength of these familial bonds. In a state where multi-generational households are common and family obligations are deeply ingrained, the pressure to uphold traditions and support one another can be immense. For example, the high cost of childcare—highlighted in the survey—may force families to rely on relatives for help, adding strain to already busy lives. Grandparents might feel burdened by unexpected caregiving roles, while parents juggle work and home responsibilities without adequate resources. Yet, in a culture that values interdependence, seeking help outside the family might feel like a betrayal of those values, leaving many without the emotional or financial support they need.
Economic challenges compound this issue. New Mexico’s persistent struggle with poverty means that families often face financial instability. The stress of making ends meet can ripple through a family, turning what should be a source of strength into a battleground of worry and frustration. Financial stress leads to divorce or separation. Single parents, who make up a significant portion of the state’s population according to the survey, may find themselves stretched thin, unable to afford childcare or take time off work when a child needs attention.
Therefore, building the economy should be one of New Mexico’s highest priorities. Putting an end to the high GRT tax, for example, could give a leg up to small family businesses, especially to those in rural settings or along the borders where businesses compete with those in neighboring states. New Mexico, as an oil and gas state, often has a budget surplus and could relieve the tax burden for families. Or it could do away with it entirely by expanding drilling. HB11, the ironically named Paid Family and Medical Leave Act, which thankfully failed to pass in this year’s legislative session, promised maternity leave and other good things, but at a cost that could literally put an end to many small businesses - and hence the incomes of the owners as well as the parents seeking the leave. The cart was definitely before the horse with that bill. Businesses can only support families when businesses thrive.
And what about crime? A 2024 U.S. News & World Report survey put New Mexico on the top of the list for violent crime. The FBI's Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) program has also put New Mexico at or near the top for violent crime. Parents worry that they or their children will become victims of this violent culture. Teenage boys are recruited by criminal gangs. Moms worry their children will become victims of rape. Therefore, being tough on crime needs to be another of the state’s top priorities.
A Wallethub survey on medical care placed New Mexico 47th out of 50 states, and a Forbes survey on hospital care placed New Mexico dead last. Is there any wonder families are stressed when there is often no decent doctor or, in some cases, no doctor at all? In the time I've lived here, the state has become increasingly unfriendly to doctors. The good ones who stay usually have family or some other reason to stay here. The other ones have their eye on the door because they know they would be more profitable and their own families would be happier in a state with less crime, and a better economy.
Lastly, there’s the question of modern life clashing with traditional values. New Mexico’s long history of family-centric living—think of the communal ethos of the Pueblos or the extended kinship networks of Hispanic villages—doesn’t always align with today’s fast-paced, individualistic world, to say nothing of the generational culture gap sweeping the nation. Parents who quit jobs due to child-related problems, as noted in the survey, might feel caught between honoring their duty to family and meeting the demands of a job market that offers little flexibility. This could be especially true in a poor state where job opportunities are slim. This tension could explain the high levels of parental stress and dissatisfaction reported in the data.
Yet I can’t help but think there’s hope amid these challenges. If the state government saw Family as a priority, it could pass bills that strengthen families - bills that keep families safe, healthy, and put meals on the table. I believe, if we can recognize family bonds as our greatest asset, the stress New Mexico families are feeling can blossom into resilience, growth and joyful lives. In this way, we think Family can be turned into a super power through which all of these other issues can be addressed.
Anne Nygren Doherty is the founder of the Family Month Project, advocating for the celebration of family origins between Mother's Day and Father's Day to strengthen family bonds and honor personal histories.
